She says her name is Bonnie. I am not sure she is a “she” and I have my doubts that her name is Bonnie.  AI?  Some dumb robot?  Who knows?  In any event she messaged me to help her “solve some doubts.”  Odd syntax but given that the 29-year-old Bonnie was raised in Hong Kong and received her university degree there before moving to Los Angeles (or so her user profile says), I probably should overlook her use of English.

So, Bonnie has some doubts, and she wants me to help (re)solve them.  Music to a pastor’s ears.  Bonnie recognizes my life experience and theological wisdom and turns to me for help.  Never mind that I’ve never met Bonnie and have my own doubts as to whether she actually exists.  Oh, to be needed!

Listening and offering sound biblical counsel are ways the Reformed pastor offers care to the flock he is called to shepherd.  Bonnie had come to the right place to (re)solve her doubts.  I was ready and able.  But I didn’t help Bonnie. I blocked her account from my social media feed.  I don’t know who or what Bonnie is, and there are plenty of good pastors in Los Angeles.  She should find one of them to help her with her doubts.

There’s been a bit of a digital brouhaha this past week or so over the advice and counsel a celebrity pastor gave a digital supplicant he never met. If you don’t know the details, you’ll have to find them elsewhere.  His advice happens to have been related to a hot button cultural issue, but it might as well have been about washing your new socks in cold water or warm water. He would have offended someone.

The point is, we pastors sometimes think we should have an opinion on all topics – hot button cultural issues and cold water laundry issues – and that we should offer those opinions to all comers.  One celebrity pastor has an “Ask Pastor ****” featured on his website where complete strangers can ask for his insight or advice on all sorts of topics practical and philosophical.  He appears to have an opinion on almost all topics, though I have not seen him tackle the cold or warm wash for new socks issue yet. But I am pretty sure he has advice to give.

It’s not always clear what’s the difference between “Ask Pastor ****” and the old “Dear Abby” newspaper columns.  I’d be more likely to trust Abby’s take on the sock-washing controversy, however.

I was (or am – old pastors never retire and all that) a no-account pastor.  I don’t mean that as a self-deprecating comment. It’s just true. I am not a celebrity and other than those in the relatively small flocks I was called to shepherd, no one took or takes account of what I say.  I am a no-account pastor. And glad of it.

We no-account pastors aren’t expected to have an opinion on every topic under the sun.  Rather, we are called to “poky little churches,” to use C.S. Lewis’ wonderful phrase.  There we are to preach faithfully, pray regularly, and care lovingly.  And to feel perfectly free to say, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” or “let me get back to you on that.”

Bonnie from Los Angeles needs to take her doubts to some no-account pastor of a poky little church near her.  Maybe he’d get to know her and the story of her doubts. He might say “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” or “let me get back to you.”  He’d probably be of more help to her than a stranger on social media or a celebrity pastor at a megachurch.

By the way, go with the cold water wash just to be safe.